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Thursday, 07 March 2013

Can you be TOO supportive?

Is there such a thing as being "too supportive" of somebody's idea/s?
Like if you knew somebody who wanted to design a tool that you honestly could see as being INCREDIBLY helpful and you tell them what so, and you both attempt to draw some sketches together (don't work so well when ya can't draw worth a darn! lol)...change a thing here or there and it even looks like a functionable thing you could see wanting to use. Still needs development, it's just an idea but it's cool. Then the person who had the idea says "I think it's stupid. I wouldn't have the motivation to try to develop it anyway, it's just not a good idea."
You tell them it's stupid to come up with an idea and not even TRY to develop it past an incredibly crude sketch, it would at least be worth it to see if we can find a free like 3D Sketch program or something...and what would it hurt anyway there's no money involved. And they say "You're too supportive, I need a rougher crowd."

What the hell? Honestly, am I waaaayy off base to be a little bugged or confused about how in the world I would be "Too supportive"? When I know for a fact he's hard as hell on himself and for him to share an idea in the first place, he's got to believe it would be cool and he wants to at least try to make one for himself to use?
Seems to me he's just scared to take a chance on it. Yeah, you might not be able to actually make one to work how you're seeing it in your head. Okay. So you dn't know what in the world you would call it. You don't need to know that right now, sometimes I can write 20 pages of a story and I STILL have no idea what to call it. It'll come eventually, and if you can't then when you get a good drawing of it ask people around you what they would describe it as, what they think when they first look at it, blah blah blah. Don't freakin expect to have it ready to take to a production agency or whatever and be gettin paid in 2 weeks. It doesn't work like that, and that kind of attitude isn't going to do much for you...Have a little belief in yourself, and you might actually feel good about it. You know how you've been telling me lately that you feel like you're missing something, like a feeling of accomplishment or being PROUD of something you've done? THIS IS WHAT I'M TELLING YOU. Take a chance on something for once, you might be surprised.

Saturday, 26 January 2013

Life is amazing, yeah?

Well, the past...year? has been just crazy. Amazing, wonderful, lots of lessons learned, strength gained...one of the best years I've had.

But maybe one of the worst for my Dad. November 2011 he and my mom finally got their divorce. I was the only person there beside Mom and her boyfriend (sweetest man on EARTH! I've never seen my Mom so happy all the time.) and my Dad and his fiance...Biggest BITCH on earth. My dad didn't say one word to me, he was pissed that I wasn't "On his side" of the whole mess. (have no reason to be...the night he moved out he had gotten mad and drug me out of the car then left me, my mom, and my little sister in the snow nowhere close to home. but that's another story!)

He then proceeded to block me on Facebook, after some very rude and untrue statements about me and my mom. I've spoken to him once or twice since then, but only because I was trying to be nice so called him on his birthday and sent a text for Christmas, but all he did was try to get information from me about Mom, haha. Like he thinks I'm stupid.

Anyway, found out from my younger sister that he had gotten married to the Bitch last July. I told him I was happy for him, he deserved to have a woman like her and if he was happy then I was too (wink, wink). I really meant it. But I knew he wasn't happy, he wasn't with her out of attraction OR love, I'll let you fill in the blanks?

He's ruined almost every relationship my Mom had with anybody that he could talk to. He told them she was cheating on him, and he just couldn't believe it, and it wasn't his fault, and Oh, you heard it was my alcohol problem? No, no, that isn't true. I don't have a drinking problem. Blah, blah, blah.

Yeah well. Not even a year later and I get a call from my somewhat frantic brother, who told me Dad was in the hospital because he was trying to quit drinking, but he'd been drinking for so long his body was dependant on it. And the Drs at that point weren't sure if he was gunna make it. My bro said Dad had been puking for 38 hours, couldn't eat or drink anything and keep it down, before he passed out. The hospital apparently didn't want to release him to go home, and offered to pay for Rehab Treatment, because he was so bad off. Funny, he doesn't have a drinking problem. 8-|

And about 3 weeks after he started rehab, he told my bro that he got the only Christian counsellor in the place, and it was really making him realize how he needs to "go back to his Christian roots" but he was sorta tore up over it because "he'd have to divorce (her)!" because it'd be wrong for him to be remarried. Not to mention the fact that he was seeing Bitch while going to Marriage Counselling with my Mom. Nice husband, I know! but he just doesn't know what he's going to do about it yet. Dramatic. (for those of you who don't know...my dad was a Pastor for almost as long as I can remember. I think I was around 4 or 5 when he started with the Christian stuff.)

Needless to say, I still haven't talked to my Dad...I wish him the best, I do. But I don't need the stress and drama. Maybe he'll really change, maybe he'll die the same bitter, angry, drunk man that I've known. I love him, because he's my dad, and not everything about him is bad. But he woulda made a better....cousin that we hardly knew. lol

I know he tried. I know he had a lot of hurts he didn't know how to deal with, he hadn't had any example of a Dad or a good husband. I don't hate him for anything--he is who he is. I just wish he would quit pretending and trying to manipulate every situation, I wish he would just be honest about where he's at and what he's doing.
Happy Stuff (:

Thanks to Mr. Kansas and his inspiration, I'm going to write a list of things that make me happy [: It won't be all-inclusive, there are far too many to list them all, but I'll write as they come and stop when I get tired lol I haven't posted in a while, so I figure this is a good idea for a post.

So, here goes:

THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY!

Kids! They're adorable, come up with (say/do) some of the darndest things, and are so easy to love.

My nieces and nephews!!!! (: (: (: (: Cutest things on the planet Earth!! (until I have kids, of course :D )

Buying random gifts for people, even when I don't have much money.

Singing while driving.

Writing...poems, stories, random things I've learned, the way I feel at that moment...

Talking with my Mom. Spending time with my Mom. She's amazing!

Watching Tom & Jerry, That 70's Show, Three's Company, Big Bang Theory...

Listen to Savannah Outen and Jake Coco duet on songs <3 omg Beautiful!

Cuddles with my Man [:

Reading books, magazines...anything that's not the news :p

Blasting Avril Lavigne and dancing with my little sis [:

Enjoying a quiet, lazy afternoon.

Cleaning!

Going to the drag strip with Lee.

Cutting/Dying my hair :D

Sadly, this list has took me all night to write...because Lee keeps askin me to help me out :p So Ima run for now. Ciao!

And if you have any ideas on what I could write next...comment your idea! [:

Saturday, 08 September 2012

yes, actually me!

Ok, so yes, I know it's been close to an unforgiveable amount of time since I've even logged onto Xanga, much less READ anything...don't take it personal. [; Life has been crazy CRAZY like never before--even though it seems I still don't do much day to day? I don't get how that works out.

The past...year? has been both amazing/wonderful and a continuation of previous horrible years. Always about the good and the bad, isn't it? I've gotten alot stronger; learned things about myself that have made me more confident, as well as things that have made me wanna run and hide.

I met an amazing man October of last year who has been the largest part of my life...more than I could have ever imagined. His strength and intellect and love and bullheaded-ness...the way he's half boy half man depending on the mood...the way he just KNOWS how to make me smile, the way he's gotten to know me for who I am, and the way he knows "my story" and the key parts that have helped MAKE me who I am...He's shown me, without knowing, where my strengths and weaknesses are. He's helped me, in a big way, begin to finally understand different things-about myself, about life in general. It's not been all sunshine and roses and walks in the park holding hands--not at all, and truthfully, it's been almost the complete opposite. There's lots of times when our own selfish stubbornness butts heads with the other, and it can get ugly. But you know...even with all that, he's the only person I can imagine being with. He's the only one I actually want to stay and fight for--the one I have stayed and faught for. Beyond all previous imaginations of what I would stay through, in spite of how much more sense it would seem to make to just walk away, I've stayed. Because this one is Mine...I don't always understand, I don't try to understand-I just know. And I've known ever since I met him. I've known that it wouldn't be easy, I knew that our relationship would test my personal weakness, I knew that there would be times I would be the only person that still believed in Him and I. But that didn't matter. Because this one...this incredible person...was meant for me. I don't know how long we'll be together. I definitely think I can say I'll love him forever, no matter what. And I want him to be by my side until I'm old, I want to be his girl for as long as I'm alive. I don't know what's going to happen though, and that's okay. I don't stress about that. Because he's mine, right now...and the only place worth living is the Here and Now <3